Licensed Psychotherapist

(Leslie Verghese is a licensed Psychotherapist practicing in New York, USA. Born in Kerala. He received his B Sc from Allahabad Agricultural University and MSW from Shivaji University. While studying for his B Sc, Leslie committed his life for the Lord and obeyed Him in water baptism. Since immigrating to the USA in 1994, Leslie has been involved in ministry in various capacities. He has served as the President of the Pentecostal Youth Fellowship of America (PYFA), the largest Christian Youth Organization of people of Indian origin in the US. Currently he serves as the Board member of the Sunday Schools of North American Keralites (SSNAK) and the Editorial Board member of "Vachana Poshini". He also is a minister at the "First Church of God" in Elmont, New York. Leslie is involved in various other ministries such as preaching, conducting seminars, writing articles in periodicals, translating messages for conventions etc. In the secular field he serves as the Director of Lifespire Clinic Services one of the largest clinics providing rehabilitative services to Developmentally Disabled adults. Married to Jessy. Children: Japhia and Joshua)

Marriage and Divorce – Tough Choices More »

Battle of the Mind (10/02/07) More »

Honest With God, Honest With Oneself (010/1/07) More »

Accountability to Society or to God? (12/12/06)More »

Moral Problems and Biblical Principles (13/11/06) More »

For Such A Time As This (10/10/06)More »

For such a time as this

Marriage and Divorce – Tough Choices

Leslie Verghese

Last month I had mentioned that from now on we would be discussing practical issues. Often, Sunday school students, youth groups and many others have asked me questions that churches, leaders, and parents have not been able to give them satisfactory answers. One such topic that has evoked so many questions and emotions is the age old much debated institution of marriage.

What is marriage?

Marriage in a simple definition is an exclusive, heterosexual covenant between one man and one woman, ordained, and sealed by God, consummated in total union, which is often blessed with the gift of children.

The Bible clearly defines marriage in Genesis 2:24 that ‘for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will be one flesh’. Procreation, Companionship, and Self effacing Love are hall marks of this definition.

Let’s discuss some questions that people often ask.

1. What does it mean when it says ‘do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers’ as stated in 2nd Corinthians 6:14-18? This statement has a simple and straight answer. Christians cannot marry people from a different faith. It is as plain and simple as that. To make it clearer, a Christian cannot marry anyone who has not accepted Jesus as the personal savior. In the Old Testament Solomon stands as the greatest warning of people who married heathen women and wrecked the relationship with God. If the commandment for the Old Testament was not to marry non-Israelites, the commandment for New Testament is not to marry non-Christians.

 

2. Is there anyone else that one should not marry? Of course. The Bible gives clear warnings about the consequences of marrying people who are closely related to them (Leviticus 18: 6-18). One should not even consider marrying anyone who is already married (Deuteronomy 22:22) or who is engaged to be married

 

3. Is Marriage an ever lasting covenant? Divorce is the dissolution of the marriage bond. Divorce in any form is a deviation from God’s intention of marriage. Marriages are meant to be lifelong unions. Malachi 2:13-16 gives a strong depiction of God’s perception of divorce. The Bible states that God hates divorce. Mathew 19: 1-12 gives a beautiful account of Jesus’ account of the grounds on which divorce is permitted. Utmost caution must be exercised while analyzing these verses. Jesus clearly states that Moses permitted divorce because the hearts of the Israelites were hardened. Hence, even in the case of marital unfaithfulness, God’s perfect will is forgiveness and reconciliation. However, under the permissive will of God, man has been given an option to dissolve marriage without it being considered as a sin if marital unfaithfulness is proven beyond doubt. Divorce is allowed only as a concession in this case. Divorce is NEVER MANDATORY.

 

4. Is remarriage permitted after divorce? One should bear in mind that divorce in itself is outside the perfect will of God and is ‘permitted’ only for marital unfaithfulness. Hence, remarriage of a divorcee except in the case of proven ‘marital unfaithfulness’ will be ‘adultery’ by God’s standards. Marital unfaithfulness comes from the Greek word ‘porneia’ which means ‘every kind of unlawful sexual relationship’. Remarriage is NEVER MNADATORY just as divorce.

 

In closing, marriage is a divine institution that must be treated wit reverence. One must enter into this with prayer, seeking God’s will as it is a lifelong commitment for companionship.

 

For such a time as this

Battle of the Mind

Leslie Verghese

Human mind is so complex that no one including the person who has ownership of the mind is able to understand it. Every organ of the body acts and reacts based on the thought processes that originates in the mind.

We are saved by the blood of the Lamb of God from the penalty of sin. However, the lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and the pride of life are always following a believer to trap him or her in sin. The enemy is so crafty that he plans out a battle plan before he attacks. No military will go to battle before calculating the cost, assessing the strong and weak areas of the enemy and planning a clear strategy to attack through the most vulnerable area at the most opportune time. Satan does the same too. He makes a person centered, or individualized plan for each of us.

The fruit that Satan showed Eve was Beautiful. This depicts the part of the lust of the eyes. It was tasty that denotes lust of the flesh. He told her that on the day they eat the fruit, they will be like God. The culmination of the attack is on the Pride of Life. Satan will make sin so attractive that

IT WILL LOOK BEAUTIFUL

IT APPEARS TO BE TASTY

IT MAKES ONE THINK THAT THE RESULTS WILL BE GREAT.

Sin is presented in the most glorious state to entice one to indulge in. As soon as one indulges in it, Satan shows the ugliest face of the same. Promiscuous sexual behavior is a perfect example of this. The joys of indulging in these behaviors may be very high. However, the high incidence of AIDS and other Sexually Transmitted Diseases is a result of these behaviors of many people who fell into Satan’s trap.

It is not easy to overcome the strong temptations of the enemy especially at the time of information superhighway. Many people have fallen prey to the mesmerizing trap of the internet. Many people including strong willed mature Christians have failed miserably in this area by allowing themselves to be all alone with the computer. It may seem impossible for one to be able to overcome similar situations. With our own strength, it is not possible. However, the Bible says ‘God’s grace is sufficient for us. His strength is perfected in our weakness’.

Some simple steps to follow:

· Begin every day with Prayer

· Read and Meditate God’s Word

· Do not forsake Fellowships of Saints

· Maintain Strong Relationships with people of faith

· Sever relationships that affects one’s relationship with God

· Avoid situations where one’s testimony may be compromised

· Do not test one’s self control

If we allow our permissive will to be in tune with the perfect will of God by following these simple instructions, we will be able to win the battle of the mind.

Next time onwards we will answer some tough practical questions.

For such a time as this

Honest With God, Honest With Oneself

Leslie Verghese

Self deception is a tool that Satan has used effectively in ruining our relationship with God. When we are ambiguous about how our actions will affect ourselves, we are admitting that we are concerned about how they will affect our relationship with God. When anyone embarks on anything in two minds, the basic concept of knowing and doing God’s will is compromised. Inward desire for instant gratification, external pressure etc leads one to act on the impulses even though there is an ongoing tussle within one’s conscience as to whether it is right or wrong.

Once a person is committed to an action that he is ambiguous about, the mind will start focusing on justifying the action mainly through rationalization. We also resort to many other defense mechanisms such as projective identification, displacement etc. Honesty with oneself is completely lost once a person starts fighting his own demons. A perfect example is that of a preacher who has nothing but adultery to preach against and finally the world finds out that he was cheating on his wife all this time! How many other examples of such hypocritical behaviors do we observe around us daily.

Today, we are living in a society where everything runs on money. Without money nothing runs, not even ministry. At the same time, the Bible says "Greed for Money is the Root of All Evil". Ministers, Churches, Parents, and Young Adults all around the world are now being trapped by this big noose. The desire to make quick money has become all the more strong these days. As we discussed in the beginning, even though the effort to make money is stemming from selfish motives, the rationalization part has a spiritual coating such as the ‘burning desire to do missionary work’. What we must realize is that the source and the route of our income is more important to God than how we spend our money. He does not need a single penny that we earn through illegal or unethical means even though we may be willing to spend more than half of what we earn for His work.

A Christian with integrity in personal, family, and church life even if he is not able to contribute much to the expansion of the kingdom is more valuable than many who have a sense of ‘self satisfaction’ of having done many things for God but do not have integrity in life. God’s name is reproached more by people who portray a form of godliness around them but have red flags in every facet of their life that are noticeable to the world. Even if we cannot bring a person to Christ (which is not acceptable to God either), our words and actions must never be a deterrent to a person from coming to Christ.

How can we protect us from deceiving ourselves and God? We should ask ourselves if acting on our inner desires will cause us to be tempted. When we live in this world, we must always bear in mind the facts about Salvation. A born again person has been saved from the PENALTY of sin. However, in the present tense, he is being saved from the POWER of sin. Only at the glorious reappearing of Jesus will one be saved from the very PRESENCE of sin. Hence, when we live in this world, lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and pride of life have a continued impact on our lives. If we trust in our own strength to overcome this powerful attack, we will fail. Whenever we are faced with a situation such as a business deal, job offer, a relationship etc the one question that we must ask ourselves is What Would Jesus Do if he were in our place. Every double minded action will be nullified if we ask ourselves WWJD.

Philippians 2:2 states – Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). Let us be an example to everyone we interact with in words and deeds. In order to accomplish that, we must first be honest with ourselves and with God.

Next time, we will discuss the battle field that we are in.

I wish you all a very Happy and Prosperous 2007.

For such a time as this

Accountability to Society

or to God?

Leslie Verghese

Do we have accountability to God or to man? In a society that has fast degraded itself to the state of relative morality, this question is significant in many respects. Last time we discussed the overriding considerations in analyzing the Biblical principles that apply to all moral problems. In reviewing the accountability towards fellow beings, the question that one must ask before doing anything is how it will affect others. 

 Will it make somebody else to fall? – Romans 14:21 states ‘it is better for me not to eat meat or do anything else that will cause my brother to stumble’. A Christian is an ambassador of Christ in this world. An ambassador’s mission is to represent the nation and leadership that has sent him. The world looks at a Christian to exemplify the life of Christ in every facet of life. There are many situations that we face in our every day life where we could potentially be doing something that is perfectly all right with our conscience. It may also be morally and biblically correct in many ways. However, for another person that action may be

 

Will it build up someone else’s faith? – 1 Corinthians 14:26 states ‘everything we do must be for the strengthening of the church’. Church in a spiritual sense is the ‘ecclesia’ or the collection of believers. However, the church as we see today within the four walls of a building consists of a collection of strong believers, occasional visitors and new believers. The occasional visitors and new believers look for the core group of a church i.e. strong believers to set an example in terms of walking the walk and talking the talk. In word or deed a strong believer is expected to lead by example in helping a new believer or non-Christian to conform to the character of Christ. What message does it convey when a ‘believer’ commits insurance fraud? How about getting caught in bad business deals?

 

The Bible exhorts us not to ‘take the appearance of evil’. A simple illustration comes to my mind. Suppose you as a ‘strong believer’ is in a company of friends from work who are having dinner in a restaurant. You are sitting around a table where your friends are sipping alcoholic beverages. You are however drinking ‘ginger ale’. A ‘new believer’ walks in with his family and sees you drinking ‘something similar’ to what your friends are drinking. Will it edify your church member?

 

There may be many things that are not wrong or sinful for any Christian to do. However, 1 Corinthians 10:23 states ‘everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial’. What about a Person with a weak conscience? – St. Paul writes, ‘For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, won’t he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? For a New Testament believer, the restrictions of the Mosaic Law are not directly applicable. The conscience of a believer is the best judge of his/her words and deeds as the conscience is controlled by the Holy Spirit. Even though one’s conscience gives clear convictions about taking part in certain activities, one must always be mindful of the weaker vessels that are around us.

 

The cross has a vertical side and a horizontal side. The vertical side stands for the relationship that a believer has with God and the horizontal side stands for the relationship to man. The same applies to accountability as well. We are accountable to our fellow beings in our words and deeds.

 

Next time we will discuss how we assess how our actions affect ourselves as well as our relationship with God.

 

 

For such a time as this

Moral Problems and 

Biblical Principles  

Leslie Verghese

   Last time we discussed the fast changing face of society. How do we survive these evil times when it comes to commonly identified moral problems? How can we apply the principles of the Bible in addressing them?

1.What are the overriding considerations?

 2.How will it affect others?

3. How will it affect my relationship to God?

4. How will it affect me?

 When considering the overriding factors, a person who has a basic understanding of morality will ask some questions before getting into action mode. Morality is a concept that is masked by amorality or immorality in many cases due to willful neglect of these overriding considerations. No man commits sin before his or her conscience whispers at least once that it is wrong. The founder of Psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud divides a human being’s mental structure into three parts: Id, Ego, and Superego.  

What Mr. Freud who was trying to lay a non biblical psychological foundation did not realize was the fact that he was actually solidifying the biblical trinity of a person. Id always acts on pleasure principle. Lust of the eyes, Lust of the Flesh and Pride of Life asks man to act on pleasure principle for immediate gratification. Ego acts on the principle of reality. It either gives the command to go ahead or not to, based on the consequences of the action. The human mind as in God’s creation also acts on the principle of reality when the rationally thinking man is able to curb his impulses due to fear of getting into trouble. Superego acts on the principle of why one should or should not do it. This is where the third part of the ‘personality trinity’ comes into being. The Spirit whispers why a thought should not be put into action. When man overrides his Superego or the Spirit, he becomes amoral or immoral.

 When faced with any situation in life, one should ask the following questions: Will this bring glory to God? (So whether you eat or drink, do it all for the glory of God – 1 Corinthians 10:31), Is there anything in the Bible that exhorts me not to do it? Can I do this in Jesus’ name? (Whatever you do whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of Jesus – Colossians 3:17), Can I have the right conscience to pray about it? (Philippians 4:6), What would my Pastor, Parents, or Elders think about it? (Remember your elders, who spoke God’s word to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Hebrews 13:7), and Would I be confident to continue to do it when Jesus returns? (And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming – 1 John 2:27).  

If the answers to these questions are totally in the affirmative, no one should be afraid to do anything that pops in the mind. Even though we will be discussing specific moral issues in detail in the coming weeks and months, I am reminded of a question that was posed to me at a youth seminar some years ago. The question was – Is it okay for a Christian to go to a cinema? – As soon as I received the question, I knew that the intention was to trick me rather than to know what the answer is. If I said it is not okay, the counter question will be – where can we draw the line on acceptable audio visual media and entertainment when it comes to sports, commercials etc. If I answered it was okay, the question then will be how about being a part taker of the moral degradation in the entertainment industry. Suddenly a simple answer came to my mind. As a believer in Christ, you have given a place for Christ to dwell in you. As long as you are confident that the Christ in you will not leave your temple by your words or deeds, you are okay to proceed. If one is confident that the Jesus in him will be present with him in the cinema house, there should not be any second thoughts about going.

 Next time we will discuss how our actions will affect others.  

For such a time as this

For such a time as this!

Leslie Verghese

For such a time as this! History past and present will testify the contemporary relevance of this statement. We are living in the age of information superhighway where the entire world can be reached in a matter of seconds. Sure, the human race has seen an unprecedented growth in acquiring knowledge and applying it. Many things that the parental generation could not even imagine, have now ended up in tiny little hands of their grand children. However, the million dollar question is: Can any nation or society claim that it is satisfied in all the achievements that the current generation has made in making the world a better place to live? The candid answer is, No!

The early part of the 20th century saw a vast majority of societies knowingly or unknowingly being under the influence of biblical morality. It simply meant that human beings had the understanding that there is such a thing as right and wrong and they knew the reasons why they were right or wrong. The mid 20th century saw a paradigm shift to a biblical morality where there was still a clear understanding that there were things that were right and wrong but could not say why. The advent of hippism in America and around the world in the latter part of the 20th century saw the birth of immorality. Immorality bred a generation that boldly stated that there were things that were right and wrong but they did not care. If we thought that the society touched the rock bottom of moral principles with immorality, we were in for a rude awakening. The early part of the 21st century has seen a new mentality in societies across the world that advocates for relative morality. New age movement, political correctness, secular humanism etc have contributed to the weaving of this complicated and dangerous outfit for society.

What is relative morality? Why should one be worried about it? Thinking on similar terms as the above three stages, relative morality means that there is nothing called right or wrong. Everything is relative. There are no absolutes. Sin is not an absolute truth or reality anymore. What is a sin to me is acceptable to my brother as exemplary behavior. This is the world where the ends justify the means.

What should the reaction of a Christian be in such a time as this? Are there absolutes in this world or is everything relative? Has the ‘Old Time Religion’ that was good for the ‘Hebrew Children’ given way to a neo-liberal ideology? In the process of accepting the sinner have we compromised our values and principles by accepting sin as well? Is there a chance for a comeback? These are questions that every concerned person has. This monthly column will focus on some contemporary issues that are aimed at equipping today’s generation to face the challenges of relative morality.

What are the Biblical principles that apply to all moral problems? About any course of action or moral dilemma we can ask the following questions.

1. What are the overriding considerations?

2. How will it affect others?

3. How will it affect my relationship to God?

4. How will it affect me?

Whether in Personal Relationships, Lifestyle or Social and Global Relationships, the moral maze can only be solved by applying these four questions before making a decision.

Next time we will discuss the four questions in detail.